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Going back to the house proved a difficult experience; although I didn't suffer actual panic attacks in my bedroom if Brandon was not around, it was no longer a place I felt really safe. Although I was no longer actually scared to sleep by myself, I still made a habit of invading my son's room and joining him in bed. I cursed myself for having bought him a Queen-sized bed; if he only had a single, like the ones at the hotel, I would have been able to cosy up to him much better. Still, I was at least able to press myself against him when he grew hard. God, I wanted him in me.Following the advice of the Police Constable who took my final deposition, I went to see a counsellor. She was surprisingly perceptive, and noted my fidgeting and general anxiety; I was, however at least able to obfuscate the actual reason for my jumpiness; she put it down to lingering fear after what we came to call "the attack." I, of course, knew better; I spent every waking moment fantasising about my son. I. "My babies were so insignificant to him. I would bet he doesn't even know their birthdays. It's just as well. This way they won't catch themselves missing him and making the mistake of thinking he wouldn't treat them like he treated me."I just can't believe I'm free of him, Brian. It's like some kind of miracle that you came along when we had nothing left. It is remarkable that you would just sweep us up into your life, without a thought as to how that was going to inconvenience you."You'll never know how thankful we are. How thankful I am.' Her enthusiasm temporarily got the best of her, and she suddenly leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, accidentally brushing her arm against my erection. Tammy jerked her arm back like she'd been burned. With a look of horror on her face she began to apologize. Her apologies were soon joined by tears, as she tried to convince me it was unintentional, as if I was going to explode and beat her just like Cray.I'd had enough of the weeping. "Tammy!.
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